E-Di {the Quantum Singularity}

E-Di, was, and still is, a lot of things to me.  He was a best friend, a goof ball, a small heavy blanket, a frustration, he was the silliest cat I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  He would chase after toys like a dog (and yes, would bring them back to us in his mouth and drop it with that look like “you’re going to come pick this up and throw it again right?” no matter where he decided to drop it).  He moved his tail like a feverish squirrel and was always making so much damn noise (so much so that when he first moved in, we couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t stop meowing, but we quickly realized that he just loved talking).

When we lost our little monster on October 13th, we knew that we would have a void in our lives.  E-Di was one of those kitties that insisted on following you everywhere.  No matter where you went in the house, you were tripping over an E-Di.  Late at night, he would love to sleep on your feet and he never had any qualms about you moving him about while he was sleeping.  As long as he was still with you, he was as happy as can be.

He was part of our lives, and the house is just so empty and quiet without him.  Even Dante notices.  It breaks my heart every time Dante jumps out of a room or around a corner, expecting E-Di to be waiting for him, to pounce and run and play.  Dante spends much more time around us now, and is a lot more hyper.  I guess E-Di was really keeping Dante in check all this time, and not the other way around like we always joked.

I just can’t stop thinking about how little E-Di deserved the pain he endured.  He had all the love to give, even if the love was in the form of licks and bites.  We wanted to bring E-Di into a big city, where he could look out at the hustle and bustle of busy streets and strange smells.  He would have loved having a beautiful view, instead of our grungy view of parking lots.

I know there will be people to read this and consider E-Di to be like any other cat, or to mean little more to us than what most people consider to be pets.  But E-Di wasn’t just a cat, or a pet.  He had his own unique personality, his own preferences, his favourite things, and things he hated.  I upsets to acknowledge that every cat is an E-Di or a Dante, they are all unique little creatures, well aware of those around them, and the capacity to have emotion.  Every stray cat that we befriend, we are simply trying to give them a little bit of comfort.  So many people ignore them, see them as problems or nuisances, and so few see them as anything that is alive.  I bothers me that I could never communicate with E-Di, to tell him how much he meant to me, and that we were trying our best to relieve him of the pain. The thought that E-Di was confused and afraid at the end brings me to tears.

It took me a long time to be able to write this post about E-Di.  I have had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, I will only visit E-Di in my dreams and memories.  No matter how difficult it is, we need to keep moving forward.  We need to take this tragedy in our lives and funnel it into energy to make our lives better, reach our goals, and make new ones.  E-Di would have never wanted us to become sad sacks, he hated when we were on the computer past 9:30am, and never let us sleep in past 8:30am.  There are so many things I want to say about E-Di, or about the things I have thought about since, but I won’t.  For now, my energy will be put towards other things, and my thoughts of E-Di, life and death, will be contained to my private work.

My partner, who also wrote a post about E-Di (if interested click here), I feels ended it the best and I simply can’t say it better than this:

“My only hope is that billions of years from now, when I’ve become cosmic dust, my ions join with his forming a new star, and that we may be together forever.”

I promise I will carry you in me until the end, in unison.

Your Desperate Friend.

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