A Day Late and a Penny Short {struggle, reflection, and some social commentary}

Yesterday, I was supposed to post.  I even have a post planned and generally written in my mind thoughts.  I had my entire day decided, but as things go, my plans of relaxation and quiet crafting with friends had to take a back seat to life.  After spending my only day off running around like a crazy lady (again), and having some terrible pains through most of it, I felt terrible last night.  I laid on the couch from five till seven, not even sleeping although I was very tired.  I explain how I was feeling to my partner: that it literally felt like I had all my energy sucked out of my body, my limbs weighing hundreds of pounds and my eyes refusing to stay open (even though I could tell I was not going to fall asleep).  This happens to me more often than I like to admit.  When it is only mild, I call it “phantom pain” since I’m not really in pain, although my entire body feels weird and mildly uncomfortable; but I call it that because I always get it after I have been experiencing pain for a specifically long period of time.  I explain all of this, and my partner looks at me and says “yeah, that’s physical exhaustion babe” (the babe part is actually an inside joke, he doesn’t actually call me babe).  I think about it, and I realize that yeah, I’m a total idiot, and this is obviously physical exhaustion.  What makes me feel like an idiot is that I never allowed myself to recognize it as what it is.  I know that I tend to push myself farther than I should, but to actually realize that I do it to the point of exhaustion about once a week is a little bothering.

Admittedly, the past few months have been difficult.  A lot of things have occurred in our lives that have been extremely emotionally tiring on both of us.  But that is all part of life.  You can not have the highs without also having the lows.  Realizing that I have actually exhausting myself over the past while made me step back for a moment and consider whether or not I wanted to take a break, or to slow down over all.  But, the existentialist me refuses these options.  I would rather do everything I want to do, be active, go on adventures, have fun with friends, and pursue my hobbies, goals, and dreams, than wallow in my own weakness.  I could use my medical condition to give up, to never leave my house, push all of my friends away, or worse.  What is the point of living at all, if you are only going to live in a box you yourself constructed?

That being said, the only constructive thing I accomplished yesterday was going through a large box of pens, markers, high lighters and other office supplies to test to see which ones still worked.  As it turned out, about half the box was garbage.  I was at least happy to have done *something* with my day.

And now, because I assume that most people saw the above writing and though TLDR, here are a selection of memes, images and quotes that we have recently saved, or on topics that I have been recently thinking about a lot.  (All of these images were found online, I am not the original creator)


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